...First Old Letter...

"...Muchas cosas han pasado y esto probablemente es solo una etapa, y esto es algo de lo que muy probablemente me voy a arrepentir luego, así como muchas cosas de las que me arrepiento diariamente..."


Lesson Learned:
No uncertain feeling lasts forever... everything is a stage...some stages last a couple of hours, some a year...some last forever....
Regret is unavoidable... but if you have no regrets...you need to get out more often...

... Amazement starts with a sigh...

Elizabeth Barrett Browning once said...                   
                   
"A heavy heart, Belovèd, have I borne 
 From year to year until I saw thy face"





And not only that but described so many things in so little words
that it amazes me to see how much I feel as she felt...
Saying things you feel might be an easy job for some...
...for me it's not...
going from love to hate to tenderness...
...I guess I used to think I was not made for it...
but now I think I feel it's not so...
Now from time to time I still see myself from a bubble outside
and do not recognize the girl I see...
'cause change and change have always been prepared
for me and now I see that maybe love was made for me...
In such a wide world I had seen...
scenes of past lifes walk in front of me...
and my story of a lifetime had no ending yet set...
but now I see that all of those
before had no ending 'cause it was meant to be so...
The eternal story of a lifetime had not yet been written..."until I saw thy face"...

Amazement is a word I'm fond of... 'cause there's no higher grace than the smile
of amazement... and it's so complex to find... the inner feeling that lets you know
"now is the time"...

And all of a sudden... I remembered...

"Shall i compare thee to a Summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May
And Summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
and oft' is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from far somtime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd:
But thy eternal Summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest
Nor shall Death brag thou wanderest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:

So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee."

...perfect feeling...

Lesson learned:
Things can change...therefore...they have...
Even though saying what I feel may not be an easy job for me...
A universe of letters and words I had not known before has been opened for me...
... it didn't magically opened...that's the thing...that's what makes me happy...

What's a "perfect match" anyways...

A friend of mine once said: "I'm sorry if you thought not all men are the same... because they are... sorry to burst your bubble."
And for a long time I had thought that not all men are the same, that not every human is the same, and I continue to believe it... but somehow, what he said... made me think...


Talking to a friend today, admiring the many things we have in common I said to myself "He seems so different!" and the thought came back to my mind "They're all the same"...really? and then I wondered..."Why am I even wondering about this?" The thought of checking if all humans are or not the same will take you nowhere... they will never be the same!

Don't take into consideration the fact that there are tendencies that us, as humans show, THAT has nothing to do with anything. We will all expect the unexpected and receive the typical most of the times, but then again; many created ideas of our childhood, our ideal, and everything we have around were created in fairy tales, story books and daydreams, literally, in the hands of the writer, so who decides what the unexpected is?; and somehow people still believe in them and expectations reach an unreal level in which nobody will ever be good enough.

Being down to earth does not mean you want to have a great person as your loved one, a working man or woman, competent, with goals, caring, in other words "the one and only"; being down to earth is giving the other person a chance to grow and show their real self and remembering that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Being down to earth is realizing that people are perfect the way they are, as long as they have the maturity to realize that a piece of art is always appreciated best when seen from different angles and that a beautiful poem does not stand out because of perfect words but because of real feeling from one heart to the other.

I guess society leads you to believe that your perfect match is out there, and that you don't know where you might find it... but you meet your perfect match in many places, many times, it's just that most of the times your "perfect match" needs time to become your "perfect" and needs someone just like you to spend the time it takes both of you to turn into the human beings you want to be...

Lesson learned:

I'll always be the same, unless I reach a point in which I say "this is not working right" and even though getting the "perfect match ideal" thing out of your head is not easy, it's just a matter of opening your eyes wide enough and noticing the beauty that sarcasm and chance bring you, and realizing that you meet your match on a daily basis... Who knows?... it's just a theory...

Ephemeral ideas of change...

Seeing both sides of the picture...
A person who is completely in love
and a hurting heart makes you wonder...
how it all matched in the end...
I think human behavior tells us that no matter what you do... or how much you struggle you will always be predictable...
A predictable person with ephemeral ideas of change...





Under no circumstance will I say everybody is the same... Although everybody is the same sometimes
I spend too much time at times...thinking
Thinking about the way things work
Why some people act the way they do...but more than that why I sometimes act the way I do...

Some people let their life go by not knowing how much they're missing, the laughs, the memories, the happiness...
Some people fight to be different...to prevent their lives from being predictable, usual, like everybody else and they don't realize that makes them just like the rest...

And I wonder...why we struggle trying to be different...
When we already are...

I started watching people, what they do, what they believe in, what they consider is the most important thing in life, in friendship, in dreams...
Yes, I think in a different way... and that makes me just as everybody else...
Yes, I cry when I lose a friend, someone who had no chance to go beyond 20, someone who lived his life trying to be different not realizing he already was...
Yes, I don't know much about anything in life and most of the times I listen... I listen carefully, to what people say, to what they listen to, to what they think, to how they love without words, to how they hold beautiful hidden dreams in their soul...

It saddens me to realize some people have actually come to believe that we should all be the same, that men "are all the same", that women "will always act that way" , that relationships "will have the same ending"...that haven't realized that we are... only humans... learning, trying, fearing, loving, crying, believing...

So when I say... "I thought you were different" I mean... "I thought you knew who you really are"
because only a person who has discovered or is in the process of knowing who they are knows how to act honestly, selflessly, happily...from the heart... not trying to impress anybody, not trying to go beyond galaxies to prove that they are "different"

Theories, theories... silly theories...
Butterflies that fly in my head, carrying dreams, secrets, love, music and tears...


Lesson learned:

I am...the same as you... a person who's trying to be different from you...
You are different already...
And I... I'm just a girl...a dreamer who's in the process of realizing that love is ephemeral when you don't know who you really are just yet...

An advice...

-"What do you do when you feel you love someone too much but you know this person will never love u back?"
-"difficult question... well...you get away..."



And the advice a friend of mine had given me, all of a sudden started to make more sense than it ever did before... because even when you know this is the answer... there's no way you're going to follow that advice until you actually realize that's the solution...
Getting away from him, from his sweet smell, his kind hearted hands, his beautiful soul now didn't seem as it always did in my dreams... impossible... and my uncontrollable wish to be near him, his fair eyes, his soft touch, his warm embrace now seemed to fade... into the mist of my lonely mornings, it appeared to be washed away by my endless thoughts of a perfect Sunday and not as impossible as my heart had made me believe.
And I still see him in my dreams, he still visits me in my thoughts... his perfect face, his awesome gaze, the ones that have made me believe I can't be without him...
His kind heart and all the thoughts up in his mind, and all the moments we ever shared will forever be deep in my heart and I'll give fate a chance to see that in this big old heart of mine there is a girl, who'll always be eternally, the little girl who always dreamed to touch your soul, to feel your hands holding her face, to feel your heart so close to mine and understand the reason why your heart denies what you may know will make you smile...


Lesson is:
Sometimes its easier to follow an advice before you realize
that it's too late to make your stubborn heart believe in
something that your mind might say it's real...