...Heal...

You know... healing is an interesting process...

Sometimes, we tell ourselves that we are healing or that we want to heal, but that's just what we want; saying it might not mean it's actually happening.

Sometimes I don't really know how to structure what I feel and everything becomes so abstract and strange that in the end I feel this hole inside me that hurts... and sometimes I feel that it's not just in my mind, like it really hurts. Like when you decide to kill a feeling.

Sometimes I feel there's so much to do, so much to be done, so much we need to learn and a lot of things that need changing.
I've noticed how after the storm, we always stay quiet, think, think some more and sometimes make decisions, choose, define and so many other things that shouldn't be done in moments like that one, but that's what normally happens.

When it rains inside and I feel the storm coming, I normally go back to my old self, I start remembering who I was, what I liked and there's always a song or two I remember, and by singing them, I remember who I was and think that, maybe that's my safe spot.

What is healing really? Forgetting? Because if you try to find it online you can discover that the first type of healing you'll have is physical... and this one sounds more like psychological or something, but we're not getting into what we can't explain. I'll stick to saying that people say that when you have a broken heart, you need to go through a healing process, whatever that means...

I had a friend once, we used to talk over the phone for hours, and when I say hours I mean... 2 to 3 hours sometimes more... and honestly, I don't even remember what we used to talk about!! but it was so much fun, so amazing, or at least that's the feeling I got, even if in the end we didn't talk about anything concrete, we would just listen to music and talk about meaningless things, but it was fun.

He used to tell me that I always thought about every single thing I was going to say; that I couldn't just feel it and say whatever I had in mind, but that I always had to analyze it and then say it.

I guess I was always like that, measuring risks and thinking about a possible response before even saying anything... all those things, prevent you from really feeling, because when you just say them... you might actually get hurt and I guess that's what I avoided.

Being hurt takes you to the healing process and how do you heal?? I mean... what can you do??? Do you talk to every single friend you have and get different advice?
Do you talk to your best friend and pay attention and wait for an interesting idea, something that might convince you?
Do you talk to yourself, advice yourself, which, in a way would be tricking yourself into believing that the easiest way will be the right way?
Do you talk to your mom, your boyfriend, your dead brother? What to do?
When you get hurt, there should always be a solution, even if that solution involves 30 chocolates (which of course, is not a real solution)

Unless you decide not to heal...
Maybe you'll leave it there for years to come and transform it into resentment, pain and bitter roots inside your heart...
There has to be a way... your own way.



Lesson learned:
If you ever got or get hurt, there should always be a healing process, a big change a small change, something!
Unless you want to leave it inside and you know that the time will come in which you'll have to heal, otherwise, that pain will always be there with you, when you walk, talk, and love.
It doesn't matter if what you need to heal is from when you were 6, 7 or 24, find the way, your own way to heal, learn from it, forget, move on and be happy again.