There's this one word I don't know...

I have no idea how to define it...
like when you don't even know how you feel...
sad? not quite... but I can't think of any other...
I feel like I have forgotten how to write poems
and I don't know anymore...
as if everything were about to end...
and like there's this huge wall
that's not even letting me think about it...
or figure out what it is....
I feel like being quiet and not speaking anymore
as if the flowers were about to die if I stare at them...
I feel as if I had just absorbed this huge feeling and I need to handle it...

I hadn't really thought about it, maybe I should read some more, because I actually believe it's possible, to absorb someone's feelings or energy if we have to name it differently...
I feel like falling asleep right now and not wanting to hear anyone's voice...
it's like this struggle inside me that tells me that I've forgotten who I am and that I'm just overreacting....
I think it's the second one, for sure...
It'll be over soon...

Lesson learned:
I, in a way, feel like I got what I wanted, and now don't know how to handle it.
Be careful what you wish for...